just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
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