o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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