just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
