the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Sober January is a disaster.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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