Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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