In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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