I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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