And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
