LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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