You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Randomize
