just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
