Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I think a kid would responsible me up
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
