need another drink. this is the easiest way
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Randomize
