Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
