are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
