No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
