i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
