I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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