Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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