i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
