I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
