She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
