If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
