This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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