We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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