Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
