ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
