you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
