His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
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