Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
