You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Randomize
