Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
