I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
