Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
