You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
