Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
