i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
