the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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