I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
