he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
