btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Randomize
