ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
there was a trapeze. enough said
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
