its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
