Kiss
Puke
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
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