I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
