dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
