five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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