Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
