Please, let me fuck your mom
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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