his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
