Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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