no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
You need a sexual gate keeper
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
