dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
