Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
