Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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