Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
