if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
