put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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