You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
